I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
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He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
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Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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