great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
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P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
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Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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