We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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