apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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