you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
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Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
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I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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