I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize