My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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