I want to walk on stilts...naked
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize