We're facebook friends in real life
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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