Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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