After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
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you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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