We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize