Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize