You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
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Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
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Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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