well I can't set my house on fire every night
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize