John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize