If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
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