At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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