In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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