My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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