im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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