Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
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He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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