Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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