maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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