Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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