It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
we should paint friendship bongs
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