Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I wish there were birth control emojis
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize