I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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