It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Two words: blizzard sex
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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