So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize