When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
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It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
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Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
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