i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
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God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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