I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
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those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
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Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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