he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
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My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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