You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize