I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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