nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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