He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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