I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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