I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize