Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
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We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
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If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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