Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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