So drunk its hurt
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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