I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
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I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
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Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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