I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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