My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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