Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
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I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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