I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
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i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
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It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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