If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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