those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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